


You're beautiful

by RexxieRoulette



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, I'm sorry Jisung stans!, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeongin is mentioned, Jisung is kind of a dick?, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Underage Drinking, Woojin is mentioned, changlix, college party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 07:12:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RexxieRoulette/pseuds/RexxieRoulette
Summary: What could go wrong when Seungmin convinces Felix to attend a college party with him?Answer?Everything.





	You're beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Back.  
> Again.  
> Cause I'm so whipped for Stray kids I cannot.
> 
> Anyway. This story has some pretty heavy references. So if you're not ok with talk of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, self deprecating thoughts, referenced rape/non-con or referenced self harm, you should NOT read this.
> 
> If you are, then enjoy? It started as a comedy, but I suck and got lost in the angst again.
> 
> Edit: Yo, this has over 100 kudos and 1000 hits?? Uh. lmfao. I didn't think people would honestly like this mess of a story i made. If anyone has any suggestions for one shots i can write, comment or hit me up on Tumblr  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rexxieroulette

“Seungmin.”

 

“Felix.” The younger replied, grinning wildly.

 

“Seungmin no!”

 

“Seungmin yes!”

 

Felix sighed, slapping his palm to his forehead with an audible _smack_. “I understand you’re borderline _obsessed_ with bad boy Hyunjin, but maybe you should think once more about going to a _college_ _party!_ ” Felix whined, flailing his arms around as his best friend proceeded to ignore him and get ready.

 

“Come on Felix! We’re 17! We’re graduating this year! Let’s have some fun! Please?” He was giving Felix the puppy dog eyes, and Felix knew it. Biting his cheek, Felix looked away, cursing under his breath. “Plus, if you don’t want to mingle with anyone – cause you suck – you can just be my wing man, right?” Seungmin added, slamming his hand down on Felix’s shoulder with force, jerking Felix’s body forward with a squeak.

 

“Ow you fucker!”

 

Seungmin laughed, adding a little ‘ _Sorry!’_ before retreating back to his closet in search of the perfect outfit. “I highly doubt Hyunjin is even going to _notice_ you, jerk!” Felix shot back, rubbing his shoulder slowly.

 

“Then you can pretend to be my boyfriend until he does, right?” Seungmin shot him another wave of puppy eyes, chortling when Felix sighed in defeat. “Sweet! Tonight is gonna be so fun.”

 

“Oh yeah.. So fun.” Felix mumbled, standing to get ready himself.

 

__

 

They arrived at the party within an hour, both talking adamantly about what to expect.

 

“I can assure you, Hwang Hyunjin will notice me tonight!” Seungmin stated, hand on his chest and head held high. Felix barked out a laugh, clutching his stomach quickly.

 

“You look like you’re listening to the national anthem while they raise the flag!” He wheezed out between laughs, squawking when Seungmin assaults him.

 

“Let’s just go inside, OK?” Seungmin grumbles, grabbing Felix by the wrist and dragging the still wheezing blonde closely behind him. Once they passed the threshold of the house, the heat and noise were the first things to hit them. Bodies were moving in sync, jumping and moving limbs to the heavy bass song erupting from the speakers. From all the movement, Felix’s face already felt sticky with sweat, grumbling as he wiped above his forehead, he pushed Seungmin closer to the door adjacent of them, pointing at what looked like the kitchen. “Good idea! We need drinks!” Seungmin shouted, leaning down to make sure Felix heard him correctly. Figuring talking was useless, Felix simply gave a thumbs up and started pushing his way through the crowd.

 

As they finally passed through the crowd, Felix groaned as Seungmin latched onto his arm, head leaning on his shoulder.

 

“Fe~ Can you make me a drink?” The younger asked, batting his eyelashes slowly. Felix shook his head, making his way to the table with the big baby of a best friend still attached.

 

“Fine fine. What do you want Minnie?”

 

Seungmin’s eyes lit up before he placed a hand on his chin, fake thinking about a drink. When he thought it was a sufficient amount of time to ponder, Seungmin quickly stuck his finger in the air with a triumphant ‘ _ah ha!’_ “Can you make me something with rum?” Felix blinked twice before moving his hands around, sighing when he couldn’t move his right arm much because of Seungmin. When he finished making the drink, he handed it to Seungmin before ripping his arm out of Seungmin’s, watching in horror as the younger all but downed the drink in one shot. “Ah! That was good!” Seungmin grinned, leaning against the counter slightly. “Another?”

 

“No.” Felix retorted, folding his arms over his chest. “If I can’t get drunk, you aren’t allowed to get drunk either!”

 

“But Fe! I’m trying to have fun!” Seungmin all but whined, throwing his arms over Felix’s shoulder – an easy task since Seungmin was a few inches taller. “Pleeeeeeeeease~?”

 

“I’d agree with him dude, those eyes are hard to resist.” A voice broke the tension, Felix and Seungmin’s attention immediately snapped to the intruder. Felix felt Seungmin’s finger dig into his shoulders when he realized who had spoken. Wincing, Felix glanced over his shoulder and nodded his head at Hyunjin, trying to pry his frozen best friends fingers off him.

 

Once free, Felix turned to officially greet their older friend (Felix didn’t know if they could technically classify Hyunjin as a friend, since he was older, and therefore, _cooler_ , but eh.). “’Sup Hyunjin?” Felix finally asked, noting how Hyunjin’s eyes latched onto Seungmin’s fingers entwining with Felix’s.

 

“Huh? Oh, nothing much.” Hyunjin winked, Felix felt Seungmin inhale sharply. “Just waiting for my friends to set up.” Felix quirked a brow, waiting. “Oh right, my friends have this low key rap group thing? They’re kinda popular, if you could count the seven consistent people who watch their videos.” Hyunjin grinned, shrugging. “You might’ve heard them sometime tho?”

 

“What’s their name?” Felix asked, wincing when Seungmin squeezes his hand harder.

 

“3RACHA.” Hyunjin replies, eyebrows knitting together as he watches their linked hands. “Honestly? It sounds like a hot sauce or something, but eh, its their thing. Should check em out.” Felix nodded while Seungmin squeaked. “Oh right!” Hyunjin added, taking a step forward. “Seungminnie?” Felix felt Seungmin stiffen, inhaling sharp once more.

 

“Y-Yes?” The younger managed to wheeze out, eyes wide.

 

Hyunjin grinned, taking another step forward until he was face to face with the hyperventilating younger. “Do you want me to get you a drink?” Hyunjin’s eyes darkened as Seungmin squirmed under his gaze, shifting closer to Felix as a shield.

 

“I’m uh.. I-I’m here with Fe-Felix.” Seungmin finally spat out between bated breathes, eyes wide as he watched Hyunjin’s grin falter, before the older took a step back.

 

“Oh. I didn’t know you guys were a _thing_.” Hyunjin’s voice was dripping with venom as he waved and strode off, huffing as he left.

 

“What is wrong with you!” Felix finally turned, all but ripping his hand free from the younger. “He asked you to _get a drink_ with him! You dumb ass.” Seungmin shriveled under the assault, eyes downcast. “I don’t get it Minnie. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

 

Seungmin shrugged, fingers messing with the hem of his shirt. “I got nervous when I saw him standing there! Don’t yell at me!” Felix sighed, reaching out to hug the other close, patting his head lightly.

 

“Just give him a minute to cool off.” Felix replies softly. “Plus, he was really eyeing our hands. I think he thinks we’re together.” He adds, watching Seungmin process the information.

 

Within a second Seungmin’s jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. “He what?! But no! That dum- ugh!” Felix laughed at the youngers outburst, happy he wasn’t completely beating himself up. After a heavy sigh, Seungmin turned back to Felix. “I need another drink. Lets go.”

 

__

 

Felix didn’t realize that when Seungmin said he needed ‘another drink’ that his best friend would down 4 in a row. But to his dismay, and against his better judgment and pleas, Seungmin made short work of his beverages.

 

And now he was a stumbling mess of sobs and hyper clingy.

 

Now, Felix didn’t mind clingy. He more than approved of showing his appreciation to his friends and his love for them with hugs and stuff. But Seungmin was trying to dance with him, grinding his hips into Felix’s with a lot of unknown force, all while trying to shove his tongue down his best friend’s throat.

 

That part, Felix _wasn’t OK_ with.

 

“Dammit Hyunjin, come collect your man.” Felix grumbled, trying – more like failing, but who really cares – to maneuver his drunk as hell friend to a nearby couch. Music was still playing quite loudly, heavy bass and upbeat tempos. But once Felix finally situated Seungmin on the couch, he noticed there was actual voices mixing in with the heavy sound. Straining his ears, Felix turned and stood on his tippie toes to see above the crowd. Cursing his short legs, Felix groaned and spun around, straddling the side of the couch to stand on and watch.

 

As his head hovered above the abundant crowd, Felix’s eyes spotted 3 bodies jumping around to the beat in the middle of the people. One was tall, with curly brown hair and voice most singers would die – or kill – for. Another was incredibly hyper, jumping everywhere and nowhere, seemingly always in a different spot when Felix blinked. He had light brown hair that bounced with every step, his voice was lower, especially when he rapped. Felix watched in awe at the trio, jaw going slack at their talent. Bobbing his head up and down to the beat, his eyes scanned over the three of them until it landed on the figure dressed in all black.

 

The last member of the group – 3RACHA if Felix remembered correctly – stood still mostly, bobbing his head slightly to the beat, mic against his mouth as he added a few one liners here and there. He wore a black cap, pulled low to block most of his face from view, but Felix could see the smirk on his lips from a mile away.

 

Then he cleared his throat and began his part.

 

Felix felt his heart pick up at the sound.

 

Mystery man in black’s voice was _deep_. Not like, Felix level deep, cause his voice was unnatural and freakish. But no, this guys voice was raspy, like he forever sounded like he had just woken up. The words rolled off his tongue like a melody, like his voice was made for this and this alone. (Felix agreed entirely, but he kept that part to himself.) He was enraptured, watching in a daze as the tiny rapper fired off lyrics so quick, it was a wonder anyone could speak that fast, let alone rap. Another song played, then another, Felix watching the entire time.

 

The crowd fizzled out after a while, the trio finishing up before shouting out varying ‘ _thank you!’_ s and ‘ _see you guys again soon!_ ’ before they turned the generic party music back on and began assembling their gear. Felix felt his heart jolt when his eyes caught the all black-clad rapper, who was simply just standing there, watching. Lowering his body down to the arm of the couch, Felix looked away, cheeks heated from a heavy blush. Seungmin stirred beside him, but didn’t wake. Felix sighed, leaning his head against his best friends arm.

 

“Did you enjoy the show?” The deep voice from earlier inquired, startling Felix into falling onto Seungmin’s lap with a soft ‘oomph!’ Looking up from where he sat, Felix’s eyes landed on the tiny rapper with the deep, raspy voice that sounded oh so pret – ‘ _Not the time for this Felix!_ ’. Shaking his head, Felix shrugged.

 

“I guess?”

 

The rapper hummed, watching Felix fumble around on Seungmin’s lap still. But as he moved, Seungmin woke enough to wrap his arms around the shorter, and pulling him to his chest quickly, snuggling his face into Felix’s neck. The rapper cleared his throat as Felix felt his face heat up instantly, failing to pry his body from Seungmin’s iron grip.

 

Once free, Felix stood up quickly, dusting off his pants before rubbing the back of his next slowly. “You guys were good. I’m impressed.” Felix smiled, sticking his hand out slowly. “I’m Felix by the way.”

 

The rapper stared at his hand for a minute, before shrugging and forcing Felix to curl his fingers into a fist before bumping his own fist against it in an intricate pattern. “’Sup. I’m SpearB.” Felix choked on a laugh, clearing his throat to avoid actually barking out a laugh in front of him. Narrowing his eyes, - at least Felix thinks he did, he can’t really see past the brim of his hat – the rapper huffed, crossing his arms. “What?”

 

Felix shook his head, smiling. “Nothing! I like it.” He smiled wider when he heard the rapper sputter, clearly making out the blush on his cheeks. “It’s cute.” Felix added, before his eyes went wide and his cheeks tinted pink again. _‘So much for a filter Felix!’_ With a sigh, he looked away, fidgeting with his hands slowly. “Uh, sorry.”

 

To Felix’s surprise, SpearB didn’t get mad. He chuckled. With his deep, raspy voice. Felix’s chest bloomed with something warm, a smile playing on his lips as he listened to the sound. “You’re pretty cute yourself, Felix.”

 

Felix froze, eyes wide as he physically felt his face heat up to incredible heights. The rapper before him grinned, nodding his head in victory at making the younger boy flustered. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Felix looked down, playing with his fingers slowly. “Do you need to help your friends?” Felix finally asked, voice just above a whisper.

 

SpearB blinked, clearly not paying attention, before he shook his head and glanced over his shoulder with a shrug. “Meh, I think they got it. J. One should be hitting up the drinks soon anyway. So we’re allowed to have _fun_ now.” The words rolled off his tongue easily, sending an involuntary shiver down Felix’s spine. Felix noticed he grinned again, embarrassed he noticed Felix’s reaction to his words.

 

“What kind of fun?” Felix dared to ask, still looking down.

 

A pair of feet stepped into his vision of the floor. “That depends on what you’re doing.” The statement sent another shiver down Felix’s spine, goosebumps following its trail.

 

“Wh-What do you uh.. mean?” Felix winced at the broken question, ears heating up with embarrassment. He heard the rapper chuckle once more before he felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly.

 

Then there was a voice in his ear.

 

“Why don’t you find out?”

 

__

 

Felix awoke feeling stiff, smelling of yesterday’s clothes, and in a bed that wasn’t his. Or, he would smell like yesterday’s clothes – _if he was even wearing clothes!_ Panic rose in his chest as he startled up, eyes scanning his surroundings, looking at everything and nothing all at once. Felix spied his shirt haphazardly laying on a nearby chair, his jeans below them. With a sigh, and a quick glance around, Felix shot over to his discarded clothing, rushing to put them on. Heaving a breath out, Felix visibly relaxed now that he was fully dressed and not in any compromising positions.

 

Testing his body a little, he groaned at the stiff muscles and sore neck from sleeping funny – chalking it up to sleeping on an unfamiliar mattress. He could feel the telltale signs of a hangover, but couldn’t remember how much he’d actually had to drink last night.As he looked around once more, he noticed a few more details now that he was mostly awake.

 

He was alone in the room, from what he could see.

 

It looked to be like a teenagers bedroom?

 

And his phone was dead.

 

Felix sighed, running a hand through his hair slowly before deciding to head out and try to find a bathroom. At least to go pee and wash his face.

 

But every door he opened led to another bedroom, or a closet. “God. How many bedrooms does one house need?” He grumbled to himself, heaving a sigh when he finally emerged in a ginormous bathroom. Closing the door and locking it, Felix took a deep breath as he leaned against it, the headache and nausea hitting him like a tonne of bricks. Once the nausea subsided, Felix breathed deeply before pushing off the door and going to relieve himself. Flushing the ornate toilet with a cringe from how loud it was, Felix dragged his body over to the giant counter. Turning the water on warm, he ran his hands under it for a few seconds before scooping some into his palms and leaning over to splash the refreshing water on his face. The water woke him up more, made his body not so half asleep robot feeling anymore, and overall just made him feel better. Smiling, he reached over to the hand towel hanging and dried his face.

 

Pulling it away, he peaked an eye open slowly, to avoid another wave of nausea from too quick movements. Figuring it was OK, he opened his other eye and sighed. Leaning against the counter top, he scanned his face for anything outwardly _wrong_ looking, to make sure his parents don’t notice he wasn’t at Seungmin’s last night.

 

Right. Where was his best friend anyway?

 

Felix scanned through the rest of his body, checking how he looked and turning around. Shrugging, he figured he looked decent enough, turning to walk away before his attention snapped back to the mirror when something flashed. Leaning forward, his eyes went owl wide, mouth dropping open in shock and horror.

 

On Felix’s neck, right below his ear, was a bruise.

 

Not just any bruise though!

 

_It was a hickey!_

 

Another wave of panic and nausea rose quickly as he surveyed the atrocity. Wincing at the raw feeling, he noticed it was more purple and dark red than anything else. But very noticeable if he turned his head, like at all. Carding his fingers through his hair, he grabbed a handful and tugged, whimpering when the pain bounced around his skull roughly. Then he groaned, and shook his head.

 

“Well shit.”

 

He had to find Seungmin. And leave.

 

Felix made his way through the house gingerly, peeking his head in open doors as he went. He passed by 3 other bedrooms, some housing still sleeping bodies – all people he didn’t recognize – and a relatively large bathroom that had someone laying on the floor. Doing a double take, Felix realized it was indeed one of the rappers from last nights performance that was passed out on the floor, a white bath towel covering his shorter frame.

 

The way his body was heaped on the floor had Felix cringing. With a sigh, Felix turned and made way into the bathroom, kneeling down beside the boy.

 

With a tiny shake, Felix spoke quietly. “Uh, J. One? You should wake up and move to a bed.” Being closer to the rapper allowed Felix to inspect his features without feeling uncomfortable for staring. The rapper – J. One – was probably around the same height as Felix, if not an inch taller. His face was soft, eyes closed and long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. His mouth was parted slightly, breathing evenly. Felix watched for a few minutes, smiling down at him. J. One had to be around to same age as Felix, maybe a year old or even younger. It was hard to tell with his youthful features. Shaking his head quickly, Felix internally scolded himself for being creepy and watching a sleeping boy sleep. So he shook J. One’s shoulder again, rougher this time, while calling out to him.

 

“J. One! You’re going to hurt your back if you keep sleeping here.”

 

“Dude. Your voice is kinda hot.”

 

Felix squeaked at J. One’s voice, backing up until his back his the vanity shelf. He watched as J. One sat up with a groan, yawning and ruffling his hair slowly. He stretched, making his shirt raise up and expose his toned stomach. Blushing, Felix peeled his eyes from the stranger, intent on looking at the absurd shower curtain hanging beside him – cause I mean, who really wants to shower with a bunch of meme cat pictures staring at their naked body? Felix was pulled from his thoughts when J. One spoke again.

 

“Thanks dude.” Felix simply nodded, eyes not looking at the boy before him. “I’m Jisung by the way. But most people call me J. One.” The boy – Jisung – smiled, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks dusted pink. Felix smiled back, watching as Jisung fumbled with his shirt slightly. “What’s your name?”

 

_Oh right._

 

“Uh, I’m Felix?” Cringing at his fumbled words, the statement sounding more like a question than anything. Clearing his throat, Felix continued with his word vomit. “I saw you and your friends perform last night. I personally liked SpearB’s parts better – not that you did bad or anything! I was just drawn to.. Never mind.” Felix felt his face heat up, eyes downcast as he chewed on his lip from embarrassment.

 

Jisung barked out a laugh, but it sounded rougher than it normally should have – probably because he was slightly dehydrated, but who knows. “It’s fine man. I knew I kinda recognized you.” There was a knowing glint in his eye that Felix was itching to ask about.

 

“How so?”

 

“B was talking about this pretty blonde he’d spotted in the crowd when he arrived, but me and CB couldn’t figure out who it was. I saw you two talking afterwards, so it made sense.” Jisung said nonchalantly, shrugging. Felix turned his head, looking away shyly at being called _pretty_. But Jisung gasped slightly, and Felix knew he spotted the hickey clear as day. “Guess B managed to handle his conquest last night with ease.” Felix felt a pang in his chest at the word _conquest_ , feeling dirty and used by the simple term. Was that all he was? A simple toy for the others to play with then throw away once they were bored?

 

Felix subconsciously covered the hickey, ears bright pink as he shot out, “I don’t know who gave this to me.” Jisung blinked once, twice, before a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

 

“You don’t remember last night?” Felix shook his head, eyes on his feet. “Dude, OK. B introduced us – me and CB – to you a little after our performance. You were a little tipsy, but seemed fine. B was all over you though, and you seemed A OK with it.” Felix blanked, failing to recall the memories Jisung was talking about. With a groan he ran his hands through his hair, pulling slightly. “Dude, relax. It’s just a hickey. At least you didn’t have sex.”

 

Felix’s eyes shot up to Jisung’s smirking face, wide and uncertain. Jisung blinked back his smirk, eyeing Felix wearily. “You didn’t, right?”

 

Felix grimaced. “I don’t remember anything from last night. Not after I got Seungmin to the couch to rest, and SpearB came over to ask what I thought of the show?” Jisung nodded, rubbing his temples slowly.

 

“Yeah, then you came into the kitchen with him, looking mighty flustered I may add.” Jisung wiggled his eyebrows at Felix before groaning at the movement. “Everyone had a lot to drink, that part I remember clearly.” Jisung thought a second before adding, “Minho was _hella fine_ tho, man I’m sad I didn’t get that.” He jutted out his lower lip in a pout, and if Felix wasn’t having an internal crisis, he would’ve mentioned how cute it made the other look. Jisung leaned forward, wincing as if small movements hurt way more than normal. “If your lower back doesn’t hurt, then you probably just had a wild make out session.” He winked at Felix’s blush, laughing when Felix pushed him away slightly.

 

“I need to find Seungmin and leave.” Felix stood, shaking his head slowly.

 

“Seungmin?” Turning, Felix blinked at Jisung’s blank, curious stare.

 

Felix felt something prickle at the back of his neck as he mumbled. “Yeah, he’s my uh, _boyfriend_.” Felix didn’t know if they had kept up the charade last night or not, since his memory was foggy at best. So he figured he could chalk up his need to find his best friend as the need to be reunited with his boyfriend. Jisung wouldn’t mind, right?

 

Wrong.

 

“Your what?!” Jisung sprung to his feet, eyes wide as he stared into Felix’s. “You and B were all over each other last night! That little homewrecker!” Jisung spat, eyes narrowing. “And you aren’t much better young man!”

 

“Young? You look younger than me dude.” Felix shot back, folding his arms over his chest.

 

“I’m 17! Soon to be 18 you nut.” Jisung responded, copying Felix in crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Felix blinked, mouth falling open. “When?”

 

Jisung must not have assumed he’d ask the question, because his pout dropped and he stared openly. “Uh, on the 14th? Why?”

 

Felix’s eyes lit up instantly. “Dude! You’re a day older than me.”

 

“Real? Oh shit.” Jisung replied, smile coming back. “But still man, that doesn’t make what you did any better!”

 

Felix groaned, running a hand over his face quickly. “Look, Jisung. I’m going to tell you something that people don’t know, and depending on what Minnie told anyone, I don’t want to ruin it.” Felix stated coolly, watching Jisung nod twice before adding. “Seungmin is my _best friend_ not my _boyfriend_. Got it?”

 

Jisung stared, blinking, for well over 5 minutes. “What?”

 

Felix sighed again, tired from this conversation already. “Seungmin wanted to make Hyunjin jealous – I don’t know if you know who Hyunjin is, but he’s really popular and really hot – but yeah, so he lied and said we were dating.”

 

“Dude! Who does that?” Jisung finally responded, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “That’s so cruel.”

 

Felix shrugged, turning around. “It worked didn’t it? Hyunjin was pissed.”

 

“But if B finds out? What’re you gonna tell him?” Felix’s hand froze on the doorway, his back going rigid suddenly.

 

“Why does it matter to him?” Felix shot back over his shoulder, turning the corner from the room and striding down the hall. Jisung yelled something back, but Felix was too far away to hear it clearly. “I was just a conquest, so it doesn’t matter how he feels when he finds out.” His voice was just above a whisper as he descended the stairway.

 

__

 

After Felix found Seungmin seated in the kitchen with none other than Hyunjin, a glass of juice and some toast in front of him, Felix all but paled, grimacing at the sight. Seungmin didn’t notice him right away, but Hyunjin did, and Felix swallowed hard at the glare the oldest was shooting his way. Striding over, Felix took a ginger seat beside his best friend, leaning his head on Seungmin’s shoulder in the process.

 

“Oh, hey Fe. What’s up?” Seungmin asked, mouthful of toast making his words muffled.

 

“We should head home _soon_ Minnie.” Felix opted to answer, hoping his tone would suffice to alert Seungmin of his distress.

 

Wrong.

 

“I was just talking to Hyunjin though.” Felix sighed at Seungmin’s response, shaking his head when he spots his friend’s cheeks dust in pink.

 

“Minnie. _Please._ ” Felix begged, gripping his arm around Seungmin’s bicep and pulling. Hyunjin’s grip on his coffee cup was so tight his knuckles were white, but Felix tried not to think about his anger right now. “We should leave.”

 

Seungmin looked down at Felix’s pleading eyes, eyebrows furrowing as he processes what to do, before he opens his mouth.

 

“Alrig-”

 

“Where’d you get that hickey from, _Felix?_ ” Hyunjin cut off Seungmin instantly, bits of anger dripping from his slightly raspy voice. Felix froze, only now realizing how open his neck is to the public eye from where he was leaning on Seungmin. Internally scolding himself, Felix blanked, before eyeing Seungmin wearily.

 

“What?”

 

Felix squeaked as Seungmin suddenly moved, shifting so quick he almost knocked Felix off the chair he was seated on. Moving slightly, Felix lowered his head to cover his neck, failing to act as nonchalant as he could. Seungmin poked his ribs instantly, making Felix yelp and straighten his back. Seungmin grabbed his chin and turned his head so far to the side Felix winced at the angle, crying out from the pain. He heard Seungmin inhale sharply, then chuckle slightly.

 

“Who did it?” Seungmin finally asked, letting go of Felix’s jaw. Felix held his tongue, not wanting to share his drunken one night stand with the nameless rapper. But an idea popped in his head and he didn’t think twice before running with it.

 

“You did.”

 

Hyunjin dropped the mug he was holding, the sound of ceramic smashing on the tiled floor of the kitchen echoing against the pale walls. “ _What?!_ ” Seungmin paled, eyes wide as he took a moment to realize what Felix had just said.

 

“Me??” Seungmin pointed at himself, eyes darting over to Hyunjin who was glaring daggers into Felix’s skull, shoulders raising and falling with every heated breath. “But Fe-”

 

Felix quickly grabbed Seungmin’s hand, ignoring the scoff from Hyunjin on the other side of the room. Hoping Hyunjin didn’t get too angry and hit Felix, he continued, squeezing slightly. “Remember Minnie? We came to this party together.” Seungmin blinked once, blank. “Like on a _date_.”

 

“We WHAT?!” Felix felt rather than heard Hyunjin stride across the room, reaching out to grasp Felix’s shirt at the collar, pulling him up with a small yelp.

 

“Stop fucking lying Felix! Do you think I didn’t see you and B all over each other last night?!” Hyunjin’s voice was inches from Felix’s face, his heavy breathing coming out in hot puffs against his cheeks. Felix felt panic raising in his chest at the idea of a physical confrontation, his anxiety already screaming from such close contact with another person – other than Seungmin of course. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Felix flinched against the words, eyes shut tight as his chest squeezes from anxiety. His throat was closing quickly, disabling his ability to breathe properly, hands clenching into fists so hard his knuckles were white.

 

“I – I can’t.” Felix was stuttering, voice just above a whisper as he tried and failed to talk, tongue feeling like lead where it laid in his mouth. “Pl – _Please_.” His voice cracked, high pitch and painfully, tears welling up in his eyes.

 

“Let him go Hyunjin.”

 

Felix blinked at the new voice behind him, body too rigid to twist around and look – not that he didn’t recognize B’s voice anywhere. Felix watched Hyunjin fumble with a response, eyes narrowing as they laid on Felix’s neck once more, then back to B behind where he held Felix. “Were you the one who gave him that?” Hyunjin pushed Felix into B, voice just above a growl as he crossed his arms over his chest, standing tall. When B blinked back, confusion evident on his features, Hyunjin groaned before grabbing Felix’s jaw and twisting his face to the side, finger pointing at the purple bruise marking Felix’s throat. “Did you do that?” Hyunjin repeated, eyes blaring into B’s.

 

Felix feels SpearB tighten a hand around his arm before yanking him out of Hyunjin’s tight grasp, pulling him to stand behind the slightly shorter boy. Felix blinked at the back of his head, waiting. “And if I did?” Felix heard Seungmin gasp somewhere to their left, probably still seated and watching the whole confrontation.

 

Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed again, before his spat back. “Did you know you were making out with Seungmin’s _boyfriend_?”

 

Fuck.

 

Felix felt B stiffen, before dropping his hold on Felix’s hand slowly. He could tell B was processing the information, the room cast in a stifling shroud of silence. Seungmin stood, carefully weaving his way through the bodies to stand beside Felix, hand finding his in comfort. Felix was still high strung, from the proximity of Hyunjin, to the tension in the air. His chest was still tight, breathing rapid as he tried to think of a way to calm every one down.

 

“Felix?”

 

Felix’s eyes shot up to catch the questioning look B was throwing his way, but didn’t miss how his eyes dropped to bore into his joined hand with Seungmin. “Yes?”

 

“Is Hyunjin telling the truth?” B’s voice wasn’t raised, wasn’t too quiet either, but there was an edge to it that sent a chill down Felix’s spine.

 

_Betrayal._

 

Felix swallowed, shooting a quick glance to Seungmin – who shrugged his shoulder slightly, chewing his lower lip – before catching B’s eyes once more. “Yes?” It wasn’t a statement, more a question than anything, but the aftermath was instantaneous.

 

Hyunjin growled, shaking his head, eyes bright with anger as he reached for Felix once more. Felix squeaked, sprinting behind Seungmin’s taller frame quickly, hoping the feelings Hyunjin has for Seungmin stops him from advancing.

 

He was wrong.

 

Hyunjin simply shot past Seungmin, hand clasping around Felix’s collar once again. He was pulled forward so quick, his head snapped back, sending a wave of pain down his spine. With a groan, Felix felt his head spin, nausea rising instantly. He was pulled close to Hyunjin once more, the older screaming in his face. But Felix couldn’t hear a word. His ears felt like they were filled with water – everything he was trying to hear was being heard through a thick veil, so quiet and muffled he couldn’t make out the words. Closing his eyes, he waited. Waited for the hit. Waited for the words. Waited for the inevitable pain to blossom _somewhere_ on his frail body.

 

But nothing came.

 

Except the removal of Hyunjin’s hand near his throat.

 

Blinking his eyes open, Felix watched the scene in front of him in a daze, not quite paying attention, but unable to look away. Hyunjin was being pulled away by a taller guy – Felix half recognized him as CB97 from the rap group last night – while Seungmin stood in front of him, hands waving around to garner the older’s attention. SpearB stood to the left, talking with someone – was that _Jisung?_ \- not bothering to look at Felix. His heart lurched painfully, breathing becoming even rougher as he felt bile rise in his throat. He felt the need to leave, to flee and survive. Fight or flight kicking in as his hands shook, eyes still watching the ever growing number of bodies in the kitchen. He internally scolded himself.

 

_Good job idiot!_

 

_Now everyone hates you._

 

_Not that they didn’t before._

 

_You’re such a liar._

 

Hot, burning tears spilled over his cheeks, the tracks leaving a trail of acid as they fell. Felix inhaled sharply, throat raw and sore, chest aching so painfully he felt it was possible he might have a heart attack. His stomach was in knots, twisting and turning around with no prevail, making Felix feel nauseous till his mouth began to water, acid slowly rising in his esophagus.

 

Then a hand was splayed on Felix’s shoulder, making his flinch back so quick he slammed his side into the counter top. Cursing at the new source of pain, his eyes landed on the one who had touched him.

 

It was B.

 

“Felix?” Felix saw as B hovered his hand slowly in the air, approaching Felix like he was a scared animal, ready to bolt in a second – and under all circumstances, Felix _was_ ready to bolt. B seemed to read his mind, halting his steps quickly as he ducked his head slightly, catching Felix’s darting eyes. “Felix, you need to breathe.” Felix shook his head, opening his mouth to retort, to say he _couldn’t_ just breathe, but nothing but a soft whimper escaped his raw and bleeding lips. B stepped forward again, hand inches from Felix’s shaking ones.

 

But Felix’s panic got stronger, and he bolted.

 

He could hear someone shouting his name behind him, but his mind was too busy, too muddled to look back, to realize who called for him. Was it Seungmin? Maybe. But Felix kept running, chest heaving as he sprinted in no real direction, tears flowing freely as he openly sobbed. He didn’t realize how long he ran, where he turned or even where he was headed, but once he finally stopped long enough to catch his breathe, Felix looked up and blanked.

 

He was standing in the middle of a park. It was one he would frequent when he and Seungmin were younger, both too short to properly use the monkey bars but always tried and began to cry when they fell and scraped a knee. It was the spot they had met Jeongin – the charismatic baby of their group, mouth full of braces but a smile so wide it could light up a city block – and Woojin – the fearless papa bear that fiercely protected and cared for the three younger without a second thought. It was here that they created a family, a mismatched group of teenage boys so close, it was a wonder no one thought they were all related – or dating. Felix naturally bonded with Seungmin the closest, the other being just a few weeks younger, but always seemed so powerful and mature. They bonded over anything and everything, from music to liking boys to anxiety and depression.

 

So it wasn’t much of a surprise when Seungmin ended up being Felix’s first kiss, and vice versa for the younger. Upon further digging, and self evaluation, they both realized it just didn’t feel _right_ to be anything but best friends, so they chalked up their fumbled first – and only – kiss to an experiment gone wrong.

 

Felix knew all of Seungmin’s secrets, from his insane study habits to his anorexia to his self deprecating thoughts and feelings. Likewise, Seungmin was the only soul Felix told about his own struggles, from anxiety and depression, to self harm and abusive parents. They were closer than just best friends, on the verge of being brothers for life, and Felix couldn’t ask for more.

 

But Seungmin did.

 

When the pair had first met Hyunjin, he was working at a local cafe down the street from this very park, all charming smiles and flirty remarks. Felix didn’t mind the older, but was far more interested in the other worker, a shorter boy with a stoic expression permanently embedded on his cheeks. Hyunjin had said it was his best friend, but didn’t delve anymore information or attention to him. Hyunjin seemed to take more interest in Seungmin over Felix, always giving the latter more whipped topping on his drinks, or an extra serving of dessert they had ordered. Felix didn’t mind though, he liked seeing Seungmin so happy.

 

Until he wasn’t one day.

 

Felix had asked, pried and pleaded with Seungmin just to tell him what was wrong, but the younger kept his lips sealed, face somber and attitude in check. After that day, Seungmin and Felix stopped going to the cafe, instead just spending more time at Seungmin’s place – since it was closer, but they both knew it was because of Felix’s father. Felix decided to ignore the weird behavior in favor of trusting his best friend, so they passed their time with other things.

 

Just over a year later, Seungmin finally opened up about his ‘date’ with Hyunjin, which ended up being the older dragging the younger to a party and basically ditching him to go hang out with his rapper friends. Seungmin was young, clueless and scared, so when some strange guy waltz over and asked if he wanted a drink, Seungmin should have said no, but he was too high strung and accepted it gingerly, tipping back the contents in a haze, ignoring the sickly smile of the male beside him. Felix shook, pale as a ghost as Seungmin recounted what he remembered, what he didn’t, and what he did after. The part that made Felix sick though, was the Hyunjin acted like nothing happened, and tried to talk normally to Seungmin after the party, thrown off when Felix barked out a command for him to leave the younger alone.

 

After the incident, Felix was fierce in protecting his best friend, even going to the extent of always accompanying him to such things as college parties, pretending to be his boyfriend so another incident wouldn’t happen. But that failed last night, and now Felix felt like shit.

 

Because it was _his_ feelings that were hurt more than the youngers.

 

Because from what he recalls, _Felix_ was the one who was falling for the tiny, fierce rapper from the party.

 

With a dejected sigh and a sob so broken, Felix winced at the sound, he plopped down on a swing too small for his hips to sit comfortably. His head was throbbing, side aching from the impact on the counter, and chest still tight. But he was slowing his breathing to the point of enough oxygen reaching his organs to be considered healthy. Everything hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally. He was drained, but too tired to head home to rest – the fear of his father’s wrath too strong to up heave his other worries.

 

So Felix sat there.

 

Until he heard footsteps walking by. He tensed at the sound, body going rigid as he waited for the sound to slowly gain distance.

 

Instead it gained ground _towards_ him.

 

He began to panic, assuming some stranger was here to rob him, or even worse, _kill_ him. So he held onto the chains holding the swing up with white knuckles, eyes downcast as he waited.

 

“Felix?”

 

Felix’s eyes shot up at the sound of the raspy voice, landing on the figure in front of him. SpearB stood a few feet away, boots haphazardly thrown on, hair ruffled and messy, black leather jacket barely sitting on his shoulders. Felix’s eyes scanned B’s face for any ill emotions, but the other kept his emotions sealed tight, not showing even a sign of something other than boredom.

 

“What?” Felix croaked out, wincing at his own voice. “Come to scream at me like Hyunjin did?”

 

B flinched at the words, but remained where he stood, hands tightening into fists before shoving them in his pockets. “Are you OK?” Felix blinked at the concern dripping from B’s voice, unsure whether it’s real or fabricated.

 

_It’s fake you dumbass. You lied to him, why would he care about you?_

 

Blinking back the tears, Felix bit his cheek till he tasted blood, refusing to answer verbally. He shook his head, but pushed further away when B took a step forward. He could see B struggling to say something, mouth opening and closing quickly. Felix waited for the inevitable, the yelling, the names, the anger, the _disappointment_.

 

But it never came.

 

Instead, Felix heard B state, “I’m sorry about Hyunjin.”

 

Felix shot his eyes up, staring wide eyed at the older. B had his head hanging, eyes watching as his toes messed with the gravel below his feet. “What?”

 

“I wanted to apologize for Hyunjin’s behavior.” Felix felt like his chest was tightening painfully again. “What he did, and said, was wrong. He’s my best friend, and I’m sorry he put you through that. He really likes Seungmin, but that doesn’t justify his abuse. I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

 

With a wobbly breath, Felix looked up, watching. “Why?”

 

B blinked, confused. So Felix repeated. “Why do you even care B!?” Felix shot to his feet, tips of his shoes digging into the gravel below as he glowered. “All I am to you was just another _conquest_ , right?” B’s eyes went wide, panic evident. Felix felt power rise in his voice as he kept going. “Yeah. I talked to Jisung this morning. He said ‘ _Guess B managed to handle his conquest last night with ease.’_ So you know what _SpearB_ -”

 

“Changbin.” Felix blinked, mouth open but no words coming out. The older looked up, eyes wavering as he repeated. “My name is Changbin. I used to go to your school. I was removed the school for personal reasons, but I always enjoyed watching you.”

 

Felix felt his heart lurch, eyes shut tight as he processed. SpearB – _Changbin_ – used to go to _his_ school? When? Why hadn’t he noticed him? Felix’s mind went into overdrive as he tried to understand what Changbin even said.

 

“Look. You were never a _conquest_ Felix.” Changbin stepped forward, eyes watching Felix’s every move intently. “I don’t know why Jisung said that, but I will genuinely kick his balls if he says that one more time.” Felix’s anger wavered, heart beating quicker with every step Changbin took towards him. “I saw you last night with Seungmin, but I always saw you two together, so I didn’t think you were anything but friends.” The words were jabs into Felix’s heart, sharp pieces of ice that pierced everything. “So I’m sorry that I uh, _pressured_ you into spending time with me.” Changbin looked away, blinking rapidly as he inhaled slowly.

 

Felix watched, eyes wide and wondering, before he blurted out, “Seungmin isn’t my boyfriend.”

 

Changbin’s eyes shot up so fast, Felix almost heard his teeth click from the impact. “What?” His voice was rough, from what? Felix couldn’t tell. “But I saw him grinding on you last night, and you were holding hands this morning?”

 

Felix felt like laughing, but figured barking out a chuckle in front of the older would make him angry. So he simply let out a breathy chuckle, smiling slowly. “Something happened before that made me protective of my best friend. So to avoid any unwanted attention, we act like lovers at parties.” Felix felt embarrassment rise in his chest, ears and cheeks heating up as he voiced out the reason. Revealing it made it seem so bad, like they were living a lie – which they totally were, but oh well.

 

Changbin took a step forward, eyes hopeful? Felix couldn’t tell. “So.. You’re not together?” Felix shook his head, watching Changbin take another step closer. They were almost face to face now, breathes mingling as Felix’s heart fluttered in his chest. “Did you uh, enjoy last night?” Felix spotted the pink tint on Changbin’s cheeks before nodding his head.

 

“Yes.” Felix’s voice was quiet, small in comparison. Though deep, his voice wasn’t booming or loud, simply just captivating from the baritone sound.

 

“Do you want to go out for a coffee? You look like you need a drink, or something really sweet.” Felix chuckled at Changbin’s words before nodding again. He didn’t think twice before quickly grabbing the olders hand, dragging him to the cafe down the street.

 

“I used to work here with Hyunjin.”

 

Felix halted in his tracks. “You’re the hot stoic beanie barista?” Felix blurted out before he could hold back, flinching as he felt his face instantly heat up. Changbin grinned, squeezing Felix’s hand tight.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Felix tried to pry his hand away, fighting his embarrassment.

 

“I didn’t say anything. Shut up.”

 

Changbin laughed, poking Felix’s cheek once, twice. “You’re really cute Felix.”

 

“Shut up.” Felix pouted, still looking away. “I’m not cute.”

 

Before Felix could pull away or start walking again, he felt a pair of soft lips on his cheek. His eyes lit up and he yelped at the contact, the longest 3 seconds of his life as Changbin finally pulled away. “You’re right. You’re not cute.” Changbin leaned closer, placing a kiss right below Felix’s ear, right above the hickey Changbin left last night. “You’re beautiful.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments are cool, kudos are fun. Let me know what you think? Tell me if it's horrible! Please lol.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!


End file.
